Supporting your kids in Squash - a coach's perspectives

Background

When I was a few years old, somehow I ended up playing Squash during one of the trips to the local sports club. It was never a goal to be a Squash player. In fact, I did not even know that such a thing called a “pro player” existed! All I wanted to do was to have fun with other kids. We did not have a lot back then – barely playable racquets, used up balls, improper shoes – not sure if this is the right time to talk about all that, but maybe it will help the reader understand what we had and what we lacked.

Despite all these challenges, we worked very hard. We took care of each other, we played against each other, we wanted nothing more than to beat the next guy and yet, we were the best of friends off court. We only had the passion and desire to be the best. We wanted to make our parents proud.  Squash presented us with the chance to become something in life.

In those days, there was only one International club in Pakistan. It was in Karachi. First time I played the under 14 National Squash Championship there in 1987. It was an amazing experience to play indoors in the glass walled Squash court. I also thought that if I could play more on this type of court, I will become a better player.  However, when I came to the U.S., I realized that was a wrong way to think about this. In the U.S., there are great coaches from all over the world. We have amazing courts, the best infrastructure, great support system. Kids don’t have to worry about racquets or courts or shoes. Parents really want their kids to do well in this sport and support kids fully. Yet, the U.S. has never been a major force in Squash. There must be a reason for this.

After thinking about this deeply over several years, I found several reasons why the young players don’t reach their potential. A major reason, in my opinion, is the over-involvement of parents in their kids’ Squash endeavors. For example, when I go to Squash tournaments with the kids I coach, I often witness parents killing their own kids’ self-esteem and confidence by yelling at them, unnecessarily putting pressure on them to perform better, or by simply being rude to them. This makes the kids lose interest in the sport and creates sad memories for kids. Sports should be about fun – this message seems lost on most parents.  I have never seen parents coming with their children for Squash tournament anywhere else in the world. Kids usually travel with their coaches or managers. However, it seems to be an obsession here in the U.S. 

I cannot imagine how kids must be feeling when their parents accompany them all the time to coaching classes or to clubs where they come to learn how to play Squash. To be fair, there are some parents that don’t do this. They are happy that their kids are doing something positive and not sitting in front of TVs or laptops. However, quite a few don’t let their kids be. The best learning happens in a carefree environment, which I am not sure the parents can provide by being in the club at the same time.

To me, it is important that my students become good human beings, have confidence, are independent thinkers, are full of passion and are disciplined.  They must have good values. I strongly believe that once a child has these traits, nobody can stop him or her from doing what they set out to do.  It is not the coach that makes any kid a world class player. A coach can only guide, he or she can only spot the talent and the core qualities which he then can nurture and hone and sharpen. Making a world champion requires several things to happen in the right way at the right time.

The do’s and don’ts

Below is a list of things I would like parents to NOT do if they are serious about their kids’ Squash.

·      Please don’t be over involved in the daily Squash activities. They must not tell their kids things like –drink water, eat a certain type of food, carry their gear, etc. If the coach has presented a nutrition guide, stick to that and that only.  

·      Telling the coach that their kids are not able to do this or that. If the coach is smart, he or she will know. If not, you need to change the coach. You can, by all means, ask the coach’s opinion about specific aspects of your kids’ game performance though to determine if your assessment matches that of the coach.

·      Watching their kids practice or play. This is important. I think both parents and kids think that this is important, while the reality is that this is not important at all. Kids often keep on looking outside the court if their parents are watching them. The try too hard to win and technique often times goes out of the window. In short, they are playing for their parents and not for themselves.  Not good.

·      Showing negative emotions such as disappointment or anger. As a parent, I do realize that it can be hard sometimes.

·      Comparing with other kids! This has to be a strict no-no.  By all means, applaud and appreciate good play by other kids, but please don’t make it a comparison. I still see parents commenting something along the lines of “that kid has improved so much, you are still here”.  Nothing kills the kids’ morale faster than this approach. If you have to set goals, work with your coach to establish them without comparing with others.

·      And please don’t hug them after every 15 minutes when they are playing!

What I would like parents to do is below.

·      Set your kids free. Let kids have their own time in the Squash court. Be interested in what they are doing, but don’t try to be present there all the time. In fact, you can show detachment if possible. This helps to not put pressure on kids

·      Encourage, support, and applaud good performance. At the same time, don’t be over generous in praise, especially if you are not sure whether the child is doing the right thing. I have seen many parents doing a completely wrong assessment of their kids’ athletic abilities, leading to undeserving praise and this can lead the kid to believe that he or she is too good when in reality a significant improvement may be required. I see many parents commenting how good a runner their child is, when in reality that is not true. Please leave the assessment to the experts!  

·      Please realize that it takes time and patience to become a good player. Don’t expect quick results

·      Trust the coach. And like I said earlier, have faith. This is as much a test for you as it is for your kids.

·      Let them be! You are teaching them to take on the world by giving them space. Life will be tough, and you cannot always be around to fight their battles for them.

Wrap Up

Teaching kids requires a lot of patience. It is not just about how to hit the ball with the racquet, it is about the entire set of physical and mental attributes that must be gradually developed over several years. Sports teach them about life as well since what you learn here will be applicable in real life. Kids learn best when they are having fun. If you are not ready to let your kids be, then you may want to not spend time, energy and money in taking them to Squash lessons. But if you are, you will be amazed at what your kids will be able to do.